We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I wear drunk well.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
