Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
