I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
