Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
