I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Soap is not a condiment
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
