jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
