Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
