I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
