I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
