Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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