Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize