He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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