If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
