Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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