he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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