my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Only a mothe r could love this liver
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
