I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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