I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Randomize
