i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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