THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
