she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
