She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
