that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
