This is not my ceiling
what day is it and did you see me today?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
