fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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