I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
