So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
