You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
