I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize