Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
