you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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