I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
