P.S. I can't hear my feet
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
false alarm, still single
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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