my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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