Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Randomize
