he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
