First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
