Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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