if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
