My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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