I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
