Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
