my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
