I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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