so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
