Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
