I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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