OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize