You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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