found the other keg... it's in the tree
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Randomize
