So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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