this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
