My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize