im drinking this country out of the recession.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
