it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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