Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
it hurts more in the daytime
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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