I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
