i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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