I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
