I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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