nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You made out with two different species that night
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize