Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
