I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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