It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
